You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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