my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
