Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
