Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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