Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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