I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
