he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
