You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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