Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
