she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
