My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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