Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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