I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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