have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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