i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
