I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
