I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
