it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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