Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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