I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
