I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
