How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
