So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
