Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
