Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
