Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
