yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
the raccoons are back...
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