I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
