am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
