is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
