As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
