ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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