'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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