woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
