Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
