What did we do last night that was yellow?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
