Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
