My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
