I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
