No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
