I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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