i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
