Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
