He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
