C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
