Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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