Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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