and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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