I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
