Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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