This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
