If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
