we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
