She is in my trunk
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
